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| Yes, another year has gone by and I am now a year wiser than I was last year. Which means time to reflect. Actually I just haven't been on here in awhile and I just felt like writing my reflections.
From last year till now a lot has happened and a few things have changed, good and bad. Last year is the year where I had to finally grow up or start to. My dad had to go underway for about 6 months and Thomas had his BMT and Tech school for about 9 months, which meant I didn't really have anybody to depend much on to help me. My mom, of course had work and then she started going through the process of starting her cleaning business with this one company which took up most of her time which left me home with my sister and brother to take care of. That spring semester was harder for me only because I was missing one thing that could have made a big help... my license. Yea, I didn't have my license yet so what. Haha yea it sucked. We would be dropped off at the salt lake shopping center early in the morning and hang out at McDonald's or Coffee Bean. Then I take the bus to school. There would be days when I would have to take the bus back to Salt Lake meet up with my brother and sister, then take the bus home. But most of the time my mom would just pick them up and I would take the bus home. I'll admit I hated having to take the bus with my brother and sister only because they would get cranky sometimes which made things a bit harder. Even though they were 13 and 11 which should have made it easier but noo. I hated taking the bus to work most of all just because you can't guarantee that the bus would be there on time or you would miss it because it came early. I walk around a lot at work so having to walk to the bus stop and if there are no seats you stand the whole way.
It was like that till the semester ended. Well riding the bus to work was the same. It was just that the ducklings didn't have school and we were mostly home which sucked more because we couldn't really do much except try keep the house clean and stuff. Then I got a job, well not really got more like asked if I wanted, then my mom told the Beautician at the salon at Kahala and she said yes. Anyways I got another job working at the Kahala Nui Beauty Salon helping the beautician bring the residents to and from their appointments. I worked there about 3 days out of the week and 2 days out of the week at the HCDC. If only I had one of those things that keep track of how long you walked or how far..I don't know. But anyways, yea, I would like to know how many miles I walked in a week. Haha. On top of that I had AP2 lab for the fourth session and that one had one at night and one in the morning. Let me tell you I hated riding the bus at night. I am that much of a wuss. Omg, I felt so bad the first night, I was talking with my boyfriend because my mom wasn't able to pick me up and I had to ride the bus home and it was like 830 or almost 9 when the bus would come. So he called one of his friend;s to pick me up and bring me home. I felt soo bad but at the same time so grateful that they were or seemed ok with it. That was the only time allowed myself to do that. The next probably couple more classes I just sucked it up and rode the bus home at night and of course in the morning. But at night was worse. Then FINALLY near the end of July I FINALLY got my license. Oh how much easier it made things. At least I was able to go buy food if I didn't feel like cooking and we would be able to go somewhere instead of being cooped up at home. My mom wasn't home that much to have enough time to cook and what not. So as the oldest I had to take the responsibility.
Fall semester was almost starting and my dad came back. I thought things would be better and easier but it wasn't really. I won't go much into detail as I would like, I'll just say that my mom got to busy with her cleaning and became more stressed and it affect my mom and dad's relationship. Well right now, I guess its getting better. At least from time to time they are talking but not as much as they should and not as clearly as they should. Then Thomas came back around October but because we were busy with own things, we weren't able to actually have that carefree time to hang out with no worries. We understood why, but I guess for me because I had missed him soo much that I wanted all the time to pick up where we left off and things be back to how it was. But of course things don't always go the way we want them to. Overall things are good. Other than family and relationship, I had school to worry about. I had got everything I needed to apply for the nursing program and all I had to do was wait to see if I got it. I think about 3 weeks later, before going to pick up my brother and sister I went to check the mail and there was a letter for me. I opened it and read it, and read it again to make sure I read it right. I couldn't believe that I made it, I got in. I just broke down because finally , finally I would be able to start. Now I had to make sure I passed my classes. To make it short, in the end I did pass and was for sure in the nursing program.
Spring semseter 2010 school was starting good and just trying to stay focused and to stay on track. But later on, Feb 10, my dad goes in for his scheduled surgery. They had found another lump near his thyroid more with the lymph node. May 2007 he was diagnosed with thyroid cancer, luckily it was a very early age. So he just had to go through surgery and therapy to get treated. Overall in the end it was gone. But now, there was another lump. It was basically the same procedure, but the location was a bit difficult. Luckily the procedure went good. The past days where I had to help with cleaning his wound I realized how I had taken my time with him for granted. It was the first time where I felt that my dad was weak and like I pitied him because of what was going on at home and everything that just adds on to it. I know he does what he can to provide for our family and I know he tries. Even though there were times when he would get on my nerves and stuff. Not like nobody had felt like that toward their parents. I felt more grateful that he is my dad.
I wrote more than I expected haha. As I look back I can see that I really grew during my 20th year. I know I've had my moments where, lets just say not very thankful and just plain stupid to not notice the blessings that I had received. I mostly thought about the bad things and not acknowledged the good things that had happened. I know whatever I went through last year may not be very challenging compared to others. I'm not saying that the times I wrote the bus were really hard because I know there are people to have to take the bus and may have to take it during the night or what. But know there are other people who have much greater hardships. But these are the hardships that I had in order to grow and learn to be more thankful.
I think today was the first time that I felt happy when I ate with my family. We were eating together on the table and talking story. Even though things aren't that great I'm just grateful for that wonderful carefree moment with my family. At first I thought I wouldn't feel any different today just because it was my birthday. But as the day went by, I could feel it. I could feel that I had grown a bit haha. I'm feeling more optimistic which is what I need. I hope I could keep this feeling till my next birthday. I was able to reflect on everything the past year and I finally realized that even though there were things that changed there were also blessings that were received. I had been busy thinking about the bad and stressing about school that I wasn't able to think more of the blessings and feel happy and contentment. I hope that this year I will be able to learn more and grow more. I really hope to be able to strengthen my relationships, with my family, with my friends and of course with Thomas. But the most important relationship I hope to strengthen and keep on strong is my relationship with God. I hope to be able to welcome him more in my heart and not just go to him whenever I am in need. Even though I pray to him at night, it doesn't seem enough and I haven't felt my closeness with him in awhile. I also wish for this year and every year that I will be able to happy, be content and peace within myself.
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| how does it feel to live?
how do you know you are actually living your life? i don't know
i just got to thinking... | | |
| Twilight So I watched it today with my brother, sister and Thomas. I was excited and all hyped up to see how they portrayed this wonderful book. While watching it I have to admit I was a bit distracted on some parts. Overall the movie was good for me and I'm pretty sure for people who watched it and didn't read the book. But it felt a bit rushed on some scenes that should have been longer and more meaning. For example, the part where Edward shows Bella how he looks in the sunlight which I had invisioned as a very meaningful and just a beautiful scene. In the movie, Edward glistened like he was sweating but not really...glistening with sparkles but it was rushed... he did it out of eagerness to show how he is a monster when he should have showed because he wanted to. On the upside, the action scenes were pretty good, almost to how I had imagined it. They had most of the characters down to the point like... Rosalie.. she was beautiful how the book described and her personality, Alice who I thought would be more shorter but pretty much close, Emmet and Jasper were pretty close along with Carlise and Esme. I think the vampire characters were pretty close to how the book described. But the other characters were a bit off and at the same time close. The baseball scene was pretty good I liked it. The book is too good that the movie can never do the book much justice... so far. I would watch it again just to get the essence and feel just in case I missed something haha but anyways despite its flaws I liked it..it almost in a way caught the essence of unconditional eternal love of which the book portrays with Edward and Bella. | | |
| Time for Everything Its crazy.
You see them one day
the next they're gone life is ... a one time thing
make one wrong move
you may not get another chance... Your in a good place now
thank you for the insight
and for loving my friend | | |
| Innocence The meaning isn't the same anymore especially when its all about money.
It makes me sick how the only way left to get money is to sell yourself,
espcially when its the kids that are doing the work. Imagine what that does to you.
There was one part of this show where this boy was telling his friend to stop because he couldn't take seeing her do those things. She said that he was right when he told her that once you start you can't stop, at least not until her mom gets better and when she's done for school. The thing is she was the one that told him to not be a "pimp" supposedly coz he was the one who would hook up the girls. Her mom told her not to hang out with those kinds of kids coz she will be one of them too. She was clean until her mom was in the hospital. There was another part when the boy and his brother we hungry, so the brother made buisness with this random guy so his brother will ... well you can imagine that.... just so they will have something to eat for lunch. Just thinking about it...makes me sick.
There are organizations who help
but its takes a whole lot to help everyone sigh, how can you protect the kids when things like this happen everywhere?
shouldn't we do what we can to protect them?
aren't they the future? | | |
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